So now I'll write something.
Dear God,
How are you? I am fine. Hope you're having a good Christmas season. I know that it's not really your son's birthday but actually the bastardization of pagan celebrations, but that seems to be the case for all Christian holidays. I also know you don't play favorites and after all aren't we all your sons and daughters? Not that I'm trying to argue with you or anything, it just seems odd that you'd choose for your "only begotten son" to come to Earth over 2000 years ago to play savior when it seems like we're in more need of one today, what with all the war and evil going around. Just saying.
Anyway, I hope you're not really planning on destroying the world next year. That's another thing I find confusing, it's because of the Mayan calender ending but it's usually the Christians again spouting end of the world nonsense about it. Armageddon? Give me a break. Also it doesn't say anything anywhere about the end of the world in Mayan anything. It's just the year when their calender ends. Also, I'm not trying to argue with your infinite wisdom, I'm just saying.
Anyway, I just have a few questions, and I was thinking since Christmas is just around the corner maybe you could answer a few of them. I won't tell anyone, it can just be our little secret. I have this friend, another one of your sons I guess but he doesn't act like it. He's selfish and a womanizer so of course all the women want him. He also acts like every woman should be sleeping with him and then once they start sleeping with him he acts as if they're his property. And the fucked up thing is they act like they like it! I try to be like him for a second and every girl just shoots me down. I act like myself and they just seem bored. I don't know, never mind, i guess there isn't a question there. Except maybe this one: why do you taunt me so?
How about this one, why is it that everything has always been so hard for me? I mean it, born into a poor family with nothing but hardcore emotional bullshit the entire time I was growing up. Born in a town where everyone's an idiot. And while I'm growing up everyone treats me like a freak because I'm different and I don't even know why until high school. It's because I'm smarter than everyone here in West Salem. I know that's not entirely true and I know there's definitely smarter people out there, it just confuses me. What's the lesson there? That people tend to not like people smarter than them? I know, I know, you work in mysterious ways, and I guess I can't really choose my family or where they chose to live. It's just confusing to me.
Someone told me once that because I'm so quiet people tend to think that I think I'm better than everyone. I don't know why people would think that, but that's what they told me. I'm just shy! Why's it always have to be about them anyway!? Why is it that nobody cares about anyone else anymore?! Tell me that one God? Huh?
Here's a good one, why is it that I keep seeming to experience the same three things over and over again? 1. Meet a girl I kinda like. 2. Find out girl kind of likes me too. 3. She doesn't go with me because she'd rather be with a huge asshole. Even with Carley, who seemed so sincere and everything, left me for Eric the biggest drug user in West Salem. What is up with that? What is the lesson there huh? That I'm just not meant to be with anyone? Or what, really? I don't know I just don't get it. You seem to make everything hard on me and things just seem easier for everyone else. I know, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" but still.
Okay, that's enough of that. How about yourself? You know, I think people would like to hear from you again. You seem like a funny guy (I mean, look at the platypus (old Comic Relief joke)). I think people would like it if you were more present in the world today. Not that you should solve all our problems for us, just that you could show proof of your existence here and there. Something to make all the atheists go, "Abwa?" that would be cool.
Anyway, hope you and Mrs. God have a great holiday season. Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or whatever it is you guys celebrate.
Sincerely,
Nathan Mitchell
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